Patience, and a July 28, 1987 greeting card

I was six years old and crying in bed when I was supposed to be going to sleep. My mother walked in and asked my sister what was wrong with me. She said, "She's upset because she wants that doll." I had discovered a black Barbie doll named "Christie" and I felt that I had to have it immediately or that it would be the end of the world. That was the first and last time I can recall sobbing in desperation and impatience for a material object that I felt I would never have. Several months later, my mother did get me that doll for me despite the relative expense. She was my first and only Barbie. I remember being so happy to finally get what I wanted and was in love with that doll for quite some time.

I have never been a patient person as indicated by that anecdote from my childhood. I literally felt pain when I had to wait for something I desperately wanted. While I have managed to expand my ability to wait as the years have gone by, I was less capable of managing my feelings at 22 when I got into my long distance relationship with Tito than I am now at 55.

Part of the ying and yang of impatience is that it can be highly motivating as well as emotionally draining. My way of managing it was to analyze the circumstances I was in and to construct as many emotional bridges and connections to Tito as I could. Much of my early correspondence reflects this, and much of my later correspondence reflected my resolve crumbling and reforming.