The etiquette of taping, and a March 1987 cassette

Etiquette may seem like an outdated concept, but it helps align expectations with reality across all involved parties. The reason we have rules about not chewing with your mouth open is that no one wants to see your masticated foodstuffs. Shaking hands is a way of showing we're not carrying weapons and are offering our friendship to others in a disarmed state, or at least that is what it used to be about. These days, people may have a shoulder or ankle holster and still be weaponized. We make these rules so all are more comfortable, not to rigidly impose arbitrary standards on people.

In our taping/pen pal world, we had unique rules for our etiquette based on our uncommon circumstances. In 1986, I wrote a guide on how to be a good pen pal who taped to people, but it was roundly ignored. I talked about how it was good form to ask questions and to answer them. I also mentioned the material aspects of this somewhat expensive way of exchanging communication at a distance.

One of our unavoidable costs besides stamps was using a padded mailer. It was proper etiquette to reuse a mailer you'd already received and an ecologically and financially sound practice. A good mailer could stay in the rounds for a half dozen exchanges if you were careful not to tear it open destructively. Sometimes, I'd tear off my address label in preparation for reusing a package and find that it'd crossed the country several times as I peeled back layers to find a variety of states reflected in its history. My padded mailers were more worldly than I was.

Reusing the cassettes themselves as well as the packaging was also good form. However, you gave back what you got. You didn't take from one person's tapes and send those tapes to another person. The reason for this was a respect for the quality of the cassettes a person used. We poor correspondents often used the brand "Denon" which was the cheapest cassette on the market at that time and a pretty crappy quality media. You didn't get much for 75 cents per tape. In the middle, there was BASF, and, at the top, selling for nearly $4.50 per tape in 2020 U.S. dollars was TDK.

This wasn't a petty consideration because the cheaper tapes didn't go the distance and developed distortions quickly. They would also become too tight to move on the recorder's spindles and snap. Someone who splashed out for high quality tapes was investing in a better and more long-term experience. Eventually, when tapes went bad, someone had to put in a brand new one and it could be costly to do this and most of the people in our taping/pen pal circle weren't rolling in spare cash. Most of us were lower-middle-class or poor. Tito was probably the only one who was solidly middle class and he used TDKs or other higher quality tapes exclusively.

"Jo" violated this etiquette at one point in order to appear to generous. She taped Aida once and boasted about how she'd bought and put in three "brand new TDKs" for their exchanges. It was usual when reusing someone's tapes to pull off their labels and put on your own so that is what Aida did. When she pulled off Jo's labels, she saw Tito's handwriting. Jo had stolen his tapes and used them to tape to Aida and lied about having bought them herself.

This habit of recycling tapes is, unfortunately, the reason that I only have one of the two tapes that Tito sent me which resulted in my falling in love with him. I received two 90-minute tapes, but I only needed one to tape him back so I recorded over part two. The reason that I still have this cassette is that I observed proper etiquette. I kept this tape for future taping back to him when I needed more tapes than he had sent. It was never taped over because he always sent me more than I sent him so it was held in reserve indefinitely. I will be forever grateful that observing good manners in this respect left me with this souvenir of the conversation that made me fall for him.