Being a "bitch", and a greeting card from July 19, 1987

When I was younger, and far fatter, I was always the "nice" girl. Even when I gave kids my lunch, helped them with homework, and was unfailingly friendly and kind to them, many kids bullied me and treated me as if I was dirt that they wouldn't even deign to walk on. I had to be "nice" all of the time to keep whatever scraps of kindness blew my way.

After I lost weight, people started treating me like a normal human being. I discovered that I didn't have to constantly bribe people by letting them walk all over me. I wasn't mean to people, but I definitely started to push back on occasion when people treated me poorly. To me, having any boundaries or self-worth was "being a bitch." That's because all of my life, I'd had to sublimate my needs and hide my reactions in order to not be treated even worse than I already was.

I sent Tito this card, which fit who I saw myself to be, but wasn't who I actually was. Of course, it took me years to realize that not putting up with other people's crap constantly didn't make me a "bitch."